About November 26, 2008
Posted by Janet Wilkins in Journal Writing, Writing.Tags: Journal Writing, Writing
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This journal will be about a journey, one that was started in the first year of this century but has since hit a brick wall. But brick walls can crumble and it is time to pick up the sledgehammer and start swinging again!
My Own Worst Enemy! February 13, 2009
Posted by Janet Wilkins in Bankruptcy Protection, Doctors, Economy, Education, Eternal Optimism, Food Stamps, Fuel Assistance, Journal Writing, Medical, Ranting, Writing.Tags: Bankruptcy Protection, Doctors, Economy, Education, Eternal Optimism, Food Stamps, Fuel Assistance, Journal Writing, Medical, Ranting, Writing
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Most of the time, eternal optimism is a good thing. But, on occasion, it turns us into our own worst enemy! Take, for example, my own situation …
I’ve not had any work since late November, … my folks filed for bankruptcy protection months earlier which meant that much of the routine expenses fell to me, … less than a month ago, my mother suffered a stroke, not the clotting kind but the kind that bleeds into the brain, a “life threatening” type of stroke. She does have Medicare and a supplemental health insurance plan, including coverage for her medicines, however, her doctors are “unfamiliar” with financial distress and her pill coverage has a $295.00 deductible. (By the way, she is recovering nicely, thank you!) My father, on the other hand, doesn’t have Alzheimer’s but he must have some form of dementia because I cannot get him to understand the situation that we are in, instead, all I hear from him is “I need” and “I have to have.” And, finally, I’ve got no siblings for support, emotional or otherwise.
Needless to say, I’m “tapped out” financially … I send out résumés and complete job applications daily. (And, I might add that I have a very good résumé with roughly 30 years of experience, not to mention, the college degree that I added in 2007.) Before my mother’s stroke, she applied for and received food stamps, … and she has an appointment for fuel assistance which, at least I would think, that she will receive. She also managed to lower the cost of our home owners insurance. I, on the other hand, have managed to lower my own health insurance costs and to have my Federal Perkins loan deferred. Plus, we’ve cut down as many other expenses as possible.
Still, it’s the credit card debt! Most of my creditors have tried to work out new repayment plans with me, however, this all depends on my ability to find work. I have one creditor, however, that is one royal pain in the ass! Her name is Patty (I think) and she calls me nearly every day to ask if I’ve found a job yet! Whether it’s done on purpose or not, she is driving me to make a decision that I’ve not wanted to make before, that is, bankruptcy protection!
Perhaps it is for the best! Perhaps Patty is doing me a favor! … Pushing me in a direction that my eternal optimism has not allowed me to do!
Whether I ultimately make that choice or not, it is well past the time to consider this option. After all, I’d like to move forward with my life, I’d like to get back on the path I started at the beginning of this century! And, quite frankly, right now I haven’t the time or energy to even consider new directions, new paths to take, ways to make my life and my family’s life better.
Yes, it’s time to turn my eternal optimism in a new direction and to stop being my own worst enemy!
I keep believing … February 8, 2009
Posted by Janet Wilkins in Economy, Journal Writing, Quotes, Scams, Writing, eBay.Tags: eBay, Economy, Journal Writing, Quotes, Scams, Writing
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It hasn’t been the best of weekends for me. Nothing I have is selling and I’ve had at least four calls today (on a Sunday) from creditors, three of them were for the same late payment! And yesterday, I had the scam artist get the better of me.
Still, I’m not depressed but I am feeling a bit overwhelmed today. However, I did find another quote that I’ve been saving, by now you all should know that I like quotes …
Let go of old ideas and lost opportunities and make room
for new challenges and new hopes.—author unknown
That’s what I really feel, that I’m in a “rut” and I need to get out of that rut, come up with some new ideas, new goals, new directions! The problem is that, when you are in a rut, it’s a challenge just to think of new ideas.
But, I still believe that I will eventually think of many, many new challenges that will generate new hope.
Credendo vides—“By believing, one sees.”
Yes, I still believe.
*******
Things are looking up! I just sold two items on eBay. I told you that you should believe!
A Lesson Learned February 7, 2009
Posted by Janet Wilkins in Craig's List, Economy, Journal Writing, Ranting, Scams, Writing, eBay.Tags: Craig's List, eBay, Economy, Journal Writing, Ranting, Scams, Writing
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Well, that ought to teach me something! I should have known it was too good to be true.
You see, I’ve had an eBay account for nearly two years now and have gotten “stuck” for a sold item just once. But then my uncle has been raving about Craig’s List for so long and, I have an item, an arc welder, that is really way to heavy to ship so I decided to post it on Craig’s List.
Now, I really should mention that this arc welder is not the first nor is it the only item I’ve placed on Craig’s List. I had a freezer and a couple of smaller items too. And, after two tries, I did sell the freezer.
Still, I’ve just had the account for roughly six weeks maybe? And, the thing is this, I’ve never been all that comfortable with Craig’s List … I’ve heard of too many scams on Craig’s List and I’m never totally comfortable giving folks my home address, etc. However, desperate times call for desperate measures! Right? At least, that was how I felt at the time.
But, I still put the arc welder on eBay too and, today, I had about 150 “lookers” and two “watchers.” … Well, no more!
Today, some “scammer” calling himself Bill Frank, using the email address tyixc1@hotmail.com and providing the telephone number 206-203-2759 offered to buy the item with a cashiers check, wait until the check cleared then have his shipper pick up the item. First, of course, Mr. Frank suggested that I remove the item from Craig’s List.
Now, I know what you’re all thinking … Craig’s List does suggest that you “stay local.” But, remember, I’ve had eBay for a long time and haven’t sold many items locally. In fact, I’ve sold items all over the world with no problems thus far!
Still, I can’t believe the alarm bells did not go off for me! I “dutifully” agreed, gave my address, even my cell phone number then proceeded to remove the welder from eBay and Craig’s List. Only then did I decide to check this guy out and, sure enough, it was a scam!
In addition, I’m beginning to wonder if I’ve been “scammed” twice … not by the same guy but by another. You see, I also sold a pocket watch on eBay which was also listed on Craig’s List. It was a “Buy It Now” but I give buyers 7 days to make payment. That was 5 days ago and counting … and, of course, I’ve removed the item from Craig’s List.
I don’t honestly know whether I’m more upset … no … make that royally “pissed off” at myself or the scammer(s)! Now, I’ve had to report the one scam to Craig’s List and relist the item on eBay. And, this time, I have FINALLY listened to my “inner nagging voice” and deleted all items from Craig’s List, effectively canceling my account.
I just can’t understand the urge of some folks to pull these scams. What thrill do they actually get ruining potential sales for others?
Well, I guess I’ll just have to call it a lesson learned!
Turning Challenges into Opportunities February 1, 2009
Posted by Janet Wilkins in Breast Cancer, Economy, Eternal Optimism, Health Insurance, Journal Writing, Writing.Tags: Breast Cancer, Economy, Eternal Optimism, Health Insurance, Journal Writing, Writing
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When I started this journal/memoir, it was with the intention of keeping a record of just how I “restarted” working toward goals that I had set and began pursuing nearly ten years ago. Instead, however, I find that it has become more of a “bitching” journal, one in which every entry I’ve made thus far has been tagged under “ranting.”
While, in some ways, that may be justified … after all, I’m currently without work, I’m struggling to pay my bills and still attempting to lower my debt, and my mother recently suffered a serious stroke … I am and have always been an eternal optimist and to simply “rant” my way through life is not what I would consider to be productive.
A pessimist is one who makes difficulties of his opportunities and
an optimist is one who makes opportunities of his difficulties.
— Harry Truman
I like this quote, I’ve even placed it at the end of many of my letters and emails. And, while I may not have turned my “difficulties” into many opportunities as yet, I have made some progress. For example;
- I’ve been able to have my Federal Perkins Loan deferred and, it was written, that if I’m still having financial difficulties at the end of my deferment, to talk with them again.
- Although my arrangements are not yet complete, I have found a less expensive health insurance plan. It’s not a perfect one, it has a huge deductible that I’m somewhat uncomfortable with, especially since I am a breast cancer survivor. However, Blue Cross Blue Shield of MA would not work with me and thus, I had no choice. Still, I prefer BCBS of MA and will return as soon as my financial situation improves. (I have been assured that I can do so, at least here in Massachusetts.)
- I have found one small job, that is, teaching a non-credit course at my community college. The problem is that it won’t be until the Fall 2009 semester.
- I have applied to become a census taker (or “enumerator”) with the U.S. Census Bureau. I’ve taken the test twice, improving my score from 82% to 89%. Now, I feel that I have done all that I can to give myself the best possible chance and will simply have to be patient, a “virtue” that I’m sorry to say I don’t really have. Still, I think that my chances are good.
- And, finally, I have mailed so many résumés and completed so many applications, that I have lost count. Some will have to be resubmitted since these have a time limit of 60 days or 90 days, etc. However, out of a couple of the résumés, have come one or two possible opportunities.
The point is this, in these difficult economic times, while it can be a challenge unto itself to remain optimistic, instead of simply “ranting” my way through, I shall take one challenge at a time and begin writing about my efforts to turn that challenge into opportunities.
After all, I am and have always been an eternal optimist!
My disillusionment with the medical profession! January 23, 2009
Posted by Janet Wilkins in Doctors, Journal Writing, Patients Advocate, Ranting, Writing.Tags: Beth Israel Deaconess Hospital, Doctors, Journal Writing, Patients Advocate, Ranting, Writing
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I know, I know … we’ve all made the same complaint when you go to the hospital’s emergency room and your routed through the “Fast Track,” then, three hours or more later, you’re finally let out and all that you’ve got to show for it is, maybe, just maybe, a prescription for antibiotics.
But, for the past week, my mother has been a patient in what is supposed to be a world class hospital … Beth Israel Deaconess Hospital in Boston and, about all that has been done for her is to play “musical rooms!”
Okay, I agree that she was transported to Beth Israel Deaconess with a serious condition (bleeding into the brain), one that our local community hospital was unable to handle. She was brought to the emergency room and then admitted to intensive care until her condition was “stabilized.” Fine! Then, when she appeared to be improving, she was admitted to a regular room. That’s fine too!
But, since then, she has developed an infection … I was told it was pneumonia. So, after a couple of days in a regular room, after developing a fever, after becoming delirious from the fever, she was moved to “trauma/intensive care,” a move that the young resident “didn’t feel was all that necessary.” (I can’t help but wonder if she would have felt the same had it been her mother.)
Now, sometime along this circuitous route, she was put on antibiotics but they don’t appear to be helping and her breathing is getting worse. Cultures have been “grown” on her blood, urine, sputum, etc. but nothing has appeared. Mind you, too, that no one bothered to tell me this at first! One doctor, speaking of which, are either interns or third year residents, ordered a test on the fluid that “appears” to be surrounding one lobe of her lung rather than being in her lung. (Oh, and by the way, this was the same resident who didn’t feel that my mother should go to the intensive care unit.) That was a couple of days ago but, as I was told this morning, “they just didn’t get around to it.”
Now, she’s back in a regular room, that test on the fluid surrounding her lung will be done today! She still has a fever, requires a great deal of oxygen and is back on antibiotics. (She was taken off the antibiotics when it didn’t appear that she has pneumonia but, instead, maybe, just maybe, a viral infection.) Why she’s been put back on those antibiotics is beyond me, since I was also told that if it’s the fluid surrounding her lung that is infected, there aren’t any blood vessels there and the antibiotic is, thus, ineffective.
Now, from what I’ve just described here, you may think that the doctors are doing all that they can and, for the most part, I would agree with you. But, what upsets me is this, 1) I have to demand to be told what is going on (and it is my name that my mother has placed on her health care proxy made out some years ago), 2) with every change of room comes a new set of doctors and all are, as mentioned earlier, interns and residents. Where are their supervising physicians? 3) in seven days, my mother has been moved five times! (I forgot to mention that she was also moved from a private “regular” room to a shared regular room.) And, 4) do these young doctors really read the charts? When tests are ordered, why aren’t they carried out in a timely manner?
I’ll tell you this, … if ever there was a doubt in my mind about the need for patients advocates, that doubt has vanished! Perhaps, then, there’s been a “method in the madness” after all.
Stay tuned!
When It Rains . . . January 18, 2009
Posted by Janet Wilkins in Doctors, Eastern Bluebirds, Journal Writing, Ranting, Writing.Tags: Doctors, Eastern Bluebirds, Journal Writing, Ranting, Writing
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Sometimes, it does seem like that old expression “When it rains, it pours.”
Last evening, my mother suffered a stroke, a brain hemorrhage. She was purposefully put in a coma and a tube was inserted down into her lungs to help her breathe. Now, they’re giving her plasma to try and bring the consistency of her blood back to normal. She’s been on warfarin (a blood thinner) for years and, since August 2008, she’s been on Plavix too after having suffered a heart attack. When it comes to the warfarin, she has complained for years about her blood being way to thin and that she is always tired.
It’s too bad that so many doctors STILL refuse to believe that their patients can be quite aware of their own bodies and what is best for them. With the doctors refusal to trust the patient, it becomes, as in the case of my own mother, the patient and their families that must then suffer the consequences.
At this point, all that I have is prayer for her recovery and a new found conviction that the “status quo” has ended!
A little bit of good news … or, at the very least, a pleasant siting … a flock of Eastern Bluebirds have “pounced on” my barberry hedge. This is my first siting of Eastern Bluebirds, too. I just wish my mother could have seen them as well.
Stirrings “continued” January 7, 2009
Posted by Janet Wilkins in Breast Cancer, Economy, Health Insurance, Journal Writing, Ranting, Writing.Tags: Breast Cancer, Economy, Health Insurance, Journal Writing, Ranting, Writing
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First, the bad news … we’re having a snow, sleet and ice storm here. At this hour, though, it’s not that bad and I think I should have taken the chance anyway. Instead, I chose to call early this morning and ask to move my interview appointment … not exactly the best “first” impression. But at least they are being very understanding and I believe that my résumé and references will speak volumes on my behalf. (How’s THAT for confidence?)
But now for the good news! I got my health insurance premium down to a reasonable level. There’s a pretty high deductible but, I’ve been promised, that as soon as my circumstances improve, I can change policies again … even back to the policy I’ve had all along!
I mean, I like the policy I’ve had, up until this time, Blue Cross Blue Shield has been VERY good to me! When I was diagnosed with breast cancer and had to endure roughly eight months of treatment therapy, I did not see a single invoice from the hospital, my doctors or the treatment center. But, now, as I face a different sort of dilemma, an economic one, my experience with Blue Cross Blue Shield has been altogether different!
It all began back in late October when I received some advertisements (from Blue Cross Blue Shield) about some new policies being offered to the self-employed. I decided to ask my Account Executive and was told to wait until November when the new rates would be set. When I called back for those rates, my Account Executive denied that he had ever spoken to me, claiming that he would NEVER tell me to wait for the rate information! Well, no sense in arguing the point, it was his word against mine. But, in the next breath, he told me that he’d tell his “associate” to work up the rates for me. Then he asked for my email address and said that I should “watch” my inbox for the rate information.
Okay! I “watched” my inbox for several days and still no rates. I emailed a reminder to my Account Executive and finally got those rates but two of the three policies were separated by just 24¢, there had to be “other” differences. I then noticed that one referred to Plan Year Deductible and the other to Calendar Year Deductible. I figured that I knew the difference but, at this point, I didn’t want to take ANYTHING for granted. So, I emailed the guy with my questions … once again, no answers (this being late-December now).
I received another advertisement in the mail with more “new” policies from Blue Cross Blue Shield. I emailed another reminder to my Account Executive and additional questions about the new policies. He answered my questions about the new policies but ignored my questions about the differences between the two policies separated by wording and 24¢ so, I emailed the guy again!
In the meantime, I’ve got the financial department on my ass demanding payment! I “explain” my situation (in an email and by phone), stating that I’ve not had any work coming in of late and just how I’ve been attempting to lower my expenses. I ask, “Can I set up a payment plan for the final ‘high priced’ policy?” The answer I got from the financial department was, “Oh no, no, no, we won’t do THAT! We need the payment up front, so, when can I expect payment?!” I replied, “I don’t have the money at this time.” It was then that “my” financial analyst asked “Why not?”
Frankly, I considered that to be one of the dumbest responses in the history of mankind. Still, I didn’t say as much but did raise my voice when I replied “Because I haven’t had much work come in lately and some of the work I have billed for, I have trouble getting paid from my clients!” The analyst then said, “Well, we need payment up front so, when should I say that you’ll make payment?” …
Okay, it was a mistake on my part to raise my voice and I understand that this “analyst” hasn’t much authority BUT shouldn’t she listen to what she’s saying? Shouldn’t she refer my account to someone with authority? Someone who could assist me in these challenging times? And, shouldn’t someone at Blue Cross Blue Shield get “on the case” of my Account Executive to be a little bit more responsive and in a bit more timely manner?
Well, it no longer matters. As I wrote from the start, I have a new policy that I can afford and, yes, it’s not a “perfect fit” but, at the very least, I HAVE health insurance. And, being an eternal optimist, I know my financial situation WILL get better, thus, I was assured that I can change my policy then to a better one, even if that means returning to Blue Cross Blue Shield. (Yes! Even though I feel that I received a less than “stellar” response from Blue Cross Blue Shield this time, I have been with them for more than 30 years and I was “greatly” impressed with the service I received when undergoing breast cancer treatment therapy.)
BTW, I still haven’t received answers from my Blue Cross Blue Shield Account Executive!
It’s Beginning to Stir! January 6, 2009
Posted by Janet Wilkins in Economy, Journal Writing, Ranting, Writing.Tags: Economy, Journal Writing, Ranting, Writing
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Ever so slowly, it seems that my “résumé & application campaigns” are beginning to take effect! In just the first two days of this first full work week of 2009, I got a telephone call on Monday to set up an interview, albeit, for a temporary position but that’s just fine and dandy to me! Then, on Tuesday, I got another phone call to set up another job interview next week for an adjunct faculty position teaching a non-credit course at my community college. I must admit, it’s this second job that I’d really like to have. For quite some time now, I’ve wanted to get some teaching experience for when I start working on that advanced degree I covet. So, keeping fingers tightly crossed, … !
I’ve also got a health insurance “guy” coming to help me lower my premiums. That’s been a story I’ll tell ya! He’ll be here tonight (Tuesday) so I’ll have to add to this blog entry later … maybe not until tomorrow afternoon, after the first job interview.
Still, whether I actually get either of the jobs or not, it sure feels good that it’s all beginning to stir! Like, all the work I’ve put into the job search was not “for naught” after all.
Stay tuned!
An Exhausting Experience January 3, 2009
Posted by Janet Wilkins in Journal Writing, Ranting, Writing.Tags: Journal Writing, Ranting, Writing
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It’s amazing, sometimes, just how an errand that shouldn’t really be a big deal at all can just wipe you out! In my case, it was a trip to the Registry of Motor Vehicles in Beverly, MA to transfer ownership of my mother’s car (she has had an aneurysm behind the retina in one eye and can no longer see well enough to drive) to me.
Most of the paperwork was already complete, I found the Title quickly enough and filled in the last bit of information while at home. My father had some difficulty removing the number plates but, that was to be expected … they had been on the car for a little more than five years and it was the dealership mechanics that had put them on in the first place … obviously with the thought that those number plates were NEVER to be removed!
Finally, after one last cup of tea, I drove to the Registry using my father’s Ford Ranger pick-up. It’s not a difficult truck to drive, in fact, it’s an automatic and it’s also one of those small trucks. But, I don’t drive it that often and I had to drive it through a small but busy city.
I found a parking space much easier than I expected and filled the meter to capacity! I thought at first that I’d just put in enough for one hour’s time but then decided to put in enough for two hours instead. Good thing I did!
There didn’t seem to be as much activity around the Registry building as I had expected, especially being the 2nd of January but, much to my shock and disappointment, all of the people seemed to be inside the building … two and three rows deep … I swear I didn’t know they could get that many people in there!
I had no idea where to start either but, one of the other customers told me that I had to go to the information or service desk first. I thought that was very nice of her, considering the number of people in there, crowding around, some tempers already flaring even though it was just about 9 or 10 o’clock.
The line in front of the service desk moved much faster than I expected too … I got number A198 … it said on the ticket that there were “just” 19 people ahead of me and I was told to stay in the general area where I had come in. Okay! I saw one of those ticker tape sort of signs with the number A179 on it … that’s a lot of people ahead of me and there were certainly many, many more than just nineteen other folks in there. Still, not all were there for registrations, many were there for licenses too. So, maybe, just maybe, this won’t take as long as I had thought when I first came in!
How silly of me to think that! After a time, I saw some openings on a bench. I pointed them out to my mother and we both quickly moved in to take the seats. (I had asked my mother to come with me for the simple fact that, even though all of the paperwork was done, even though it said that her signature was not needed, I felt it was better to be prepared than sorry!) It was a good thing we got those seats … I still haven’t figured out their numbering system … for a short time, the numbers moved as one would think, A180, A181, A182 … then F497, F498, F499 … then back to A183 and so on. Poor guy sitting next to me, his number had a D in front of it and, all the while that I was there, not once did a D number come up.
Well, after more than one hour’s time, after a few numbers were called in between and no one showed, finally it was my turn. And, it’s a good thing I had asked my mother to come along too. While she didn’t need to sign anything, she was asked to I.D. herself. Had she not accompanied me, I’d have to do this errand all over again on Monday!
So, I know it doesn’t really sound like much of an ordeal. Mostly, I must admit, it was just a very long wait. Still, sometimes, it’s just the time, the “uncertainty” of whether or not you’re really in the right place, the crowds, the griping, … you know what I mean! That’s what can make it an exhausting experience.
New Year’s Resolutions January 1, 2009
Posted by Janet Wilkins in Economy, Journal Writing, New Year's Resolutions, Writing.Tags: Economy, Journal Writing, New Year's Resolutions, Writing
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Normally, I don’t care to make New Year’s Resolutions, especially ones like “lose weight” cause I know that in less than a day, I’ll break the resolution and feel like a failure for the rest of the year. However, I received an email message on Tuesday from a prospective client (I’m self-employed, providing editing, proofreading and illustrating services to book publishers) and found one sentence particularly disturbing. It said, “We are practically at a standstill, waiting for work to come in.”
Now, in this economy, we are all at a near “standstill” so that certainly was not the part of the sentence that disturbed me. Instead, it was the “waiting for work to come in” part.
I couldn’t help but think to myself that how can anyone expect their business to grow or to break out of these doldrums that we are all experiencing if they simply choose to just sit around and wait for work to come in? You cannot put yourself, your future in someone else’s hands like that, especially in the hands of those who choose not to take a proactive approach to life!
That’s when I realized that, for the past few weeks, as I’ve sent one résumé after another, as I’ve filled in one application after another, as I’ve made one phone call after another (not to seek work but to reduce my expenses) that I have, in fact, been putting my life in the hands of others. Beyond the motions of moving my fingers over computer keys and phone pads, I have NOT been taking that proactive approach at all. Is it any wonder then that I’ve felt so frustrated, even angry at times?
Probably, a bit of explanation is needed here … you see, while I love the ease that computer technology has brought to those routine chores we must all endure, they’ve also become a kind of wall for employers to hide behind. Gone are the days when you could bring your résumé and/or your application to the prospective employer and “argue your case” so to speak! So, while I have been proactive in submitting résumés and applications, while I have been proactive hanging on the phone calling insurance companies and the like, I’ve yet to get beyond that computer (or voice mail) wall. But that is about to change!
Obviously then, I’ve got my first New Year’s Resolution or, as I prefer to call it, my first goal for the New Year. That is, to get off my butt and to take back control of my own life! To put my future back in my own hands!
